Show Summary

This show, part one of two, will continue my series on sex in the second half, which began with health and beauty consultant Sophie Benge speaking on her personal experience with menopause, followed by Wendy Cobina Demos speaking on restoring sex to its sacred place.
 
My next guest, Galen Fous, a 70 year old man and kink-positive therapist, author, educator and sex researcher, talks about his journey of reclaiming his own sexual power as a dominant erotic sadist, and in doing so finally feeling witnessed, seen, and loved. He developed a profound sense of trust and depth of intimacy he would have never experienced without some courageous personal honesty, something I’d like to think we all develop as we move into the second half of our lives.

New from Brant Huddleston

Show Details

As you may know from my book Blue Skyways, or from comments I’ve made over the years on this show, I spent about 30 years in the evangelical Christian faith, having become “born again” on July 25, 1975 at the tender age of nineteen. When I actually left the faith is less clear, since I kind of smudged out about 14 years ago, keeping some things I valued and throwing out others.

One ethic I threw out is the disapproval most but not all evangelical christian’s hold for LGBTQ sexual orientation, or for genders other than those distinctly male and female. I personally no longer accept that ethic. A quick study of biology shows diversity in gender and sexuality, physically if not emotionally and spiritually, and I respect science.

A New and Better Ethic

So I have taken to heart what is for me a new ethic, and for me, a better one. I support a non-binary, gender fluid world that respects and celebrates all genders and that everyone should be able to live their truth in complete freedom. The challenges of our world are complex, and it will take all hands on deck to solve them: all races, all ages, all faiths, all genders, everybody.

My Next Guest Galen Fous

That new ethic made it easy for me to welcome my next guest, Galen Fous, a man who self-identifies as a heterosexual, dominant erotic sadist, and if you think you know what that means, then I suggest you also listen to part two of this show. Galen is also a kink-positive therapist, author, educator and sex researcher. He is the inventor of the Tetruss Shibari Suspension Bondage Rig, Portable BDSM Dungeon and Sex Swing, which is the world’s most versatile adult toy, and most recently, the my yoga chair. At age 70, he has some good and interesting ideas for how to stay in shape through the second half of life, sexually and otherwise.

Our conversation is probably PG rated, so not for little kids, but really useful for any adult seeking to reclaim their own sexual power, and in doing so, finally being able to live in true freedom, feeling witnessed, seen, and loved. So please welcome to the Dance, Galen Fous.

Sex & Death

Some of you may be wondering how I move from death, the subject of most of my earlier shows and still the red thread that runs though them, and sex, the subject of recent shows. Notwithstanding that sex and death are two of the most powerful forces affecting humans, there is a profound connection, a sort of Ariadne’s string that leads us from one to the other in the labyrinth of life. It has everything to do with personal authenticity.

Confronting death has a way of stripping away the imposter in us, the person who is living someone else’s life instead of his own. That brutal confrontation doesn’t have to be with the final death, the one with a capital D, although I understand that one is foolproof. Finding our true selves can also come by encountering one of the secondary deaths, like divorce, job loss, serious illness, a Near Death Experience, or the loss of a friendship or loved one. It can be anything that ushers in what the Catholics call the “dark night of the soul.”

Galen has his own brutal confrontation when his partner outted him and he lost everything — his job, his children, his position in his community — everything. Then, finally, and only then, was he free to be who he was all along, but now with the honesty and integrity that are vital to wholeness. He died, but then he was born again in a more honest form.

I like to think that those of us who are in the second half of life, no matter our age, are primed to begin living our own true, authentic lives, free from the patterns and complexes that held us prisoners in the first half. If you’ve had your own encounter with death, than you know to not to waste a single moment chasing someone else’s dream. Make the most of every moment, cuz it’s the only moment you’ve got.

Be sure to come back for part two of my interview with Galen, where we talk more about sexuality for older folks, and what it means to be truly free.

In this show Galen Fous and I discuss:

  • Sexual authenticity and shame free sex
  • How the emergence of Eros was led by the LGBTQ community and how the kink world is not so shocking now
  • How our emerging sexual freedoms are unprecedented in the history of civilization
  • The importance of having sex in a conscious way with a trusted adult partner
  • How the book Shades of Grey had a kink dynamic
  • Porn addiction is the symptom, not the problem
  • Sex has been the bastard of humanity for thousands of years
  • Sex education for therapists is 30 years behind the times
  • What’s emerging is normal, and what’s normal is personal
  • How to integrate your sexual authenticity into your everyday life
  • Getting into integrity. Take ownership of your truth
  • How your sexuality is a gift
  • We’ve been treating sexuality like adolescents (clumsy, outdated). It’s past time to be adult about it
  • How to avoid erotic mismatches
  • How everyone’s been wounded
  • A very small minority of adults are operating in terms of a conscious sexuality
  • Life is in part a journey of reclaiming one’s sexual power
  • We have a crisis of people leading secret sex lives
  • It’s a terrible burden on the psyche to live in secret

Dance Podcasts You Might Like

I Am a Racist

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.

Mark Twain

I often hear nowadays, people being accused.

“He’s a racist.”

“She’s a racist.”

“Trump’s a racist.”

“So and so’s a racist.”

What I have yet to hear is: “I am a racist.”

So let me be the first.

I am a racist.

Yes.

I see the ugly thing, creeping around my soul like a roach in the kitchen. I squash it, but sometime later, there it is again.

I know there is a nest somewhere, eggs hatching, a source deep within me, hidden away where it’s easy to deny. There is where I'll find the library of my false beliefs, the lies I tell myself over and over, so often they become grooves cut into my gray matter, like fissures in rock where the water runs down, cutting deeper and deeper, until fissures become swales, and swales become canyons.

When did the first racist raindrop fall? I don’t know. As a child, for sure. How many drops of poison does it take to pollute the vessel of pure water of which we are born? When, exactly, does a person become a racist, and who gets to decide?

I don’t know, but then, neither does anyone else.

I don’t believe in permanence. That’s one thing the Buddhists have taught me.

Everything changes.

We can become aware of that library of false beliefs, that nest of nasties that colors our perception of things, often for the worse. Awareness alone brings change. We can cut new grooves. My challenge as a human being is not to deny that I am a racist, for that would be as foolish as denying I have cancer when I really do. My challenge is, rather, to stop the cancer from metastasizing and poisoning the whole man.

I doubt I will ever fully eradicate my racism. Unfortunately, I suspect some vestige of it will always be with me. But what I can do, and what I do do, is expose myself to experiences that lessen my racism, those being travel, kind and honest conversation, and breaking bread with “the others” whenever I can. These experiences, like wind and rain, smooth rock and, over time, lay low even the highest mountains.

So when I hear the angry crowd shouting, "He’s a racist,” I want to ask:

“Who among you is not a racist? Stand up then and take a bow...for you are surely a god.”

###

I moved to Substack!

Hi there. If you've read this far, then you enjoy, or are at least intrigued by, my ideas. If you want to learn more, jump over to my new website on Substack, where I continue to write about travel, the second half of life, and other mad musings.  

Share the Love!

Your quick review on iTunes would help me a lot. It’s as easy as ABC!  Just…

A) Look for the gold “Review Brant’s Show on iTunes” button below. Click there.
B) Then (in iTunes) click on “View in iTunes.” It’s the blue button under the iTunes logo. That will open iTunes. Finally;
C) Look for the “Ratings and Reviews” tab. Click there and work your magic!

Presto and grazie!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This